My Testimony

This whole blogging thing is new for me so for my first post, I just want to open up to you. Just so that you have an idea of why I am who I am today, I'd like to share with you my story. This is a story of God's redemptive love poured out on an undeserving sinner. I don't share this so that anyone will feel sorry for me, but just so that all may understand the miraculous & transforming power that Jesus alone possesses...because He truly changed my life.

I was born into a happy family. I was the oldest of 3 children. My parents both came from dysfunctional homes & they were determined to to be the best parents that they could be. The first traumatic event that occurred in my life happened when I was just two years old. While out on a family outing, a drunk driver ran head on into our car. I was hurt the worst. My left arm was partially paralyzed as a result of the accident. Since 1982, I have had 11 surgeries on my arm. I have no movement in my wrist very little movement in my fingers. There are a lot of things that I've never been able to do, but because the accident happened when I was so young, I was able to learn to adapt using my right arm, teeth, etc so I never felt like I was different or missed out on anything. My parents never let me feel sorry for myself either & they always made me feel very accepted regardless of my disability. That all changed when I went to school. The other kids made it a point to point out that my arm was different & some even teased me because of it. Regardless, I still felt safe because of the love of my parents. They were very involved in every aspect of my life. Me & my dad, in particular, had a very close bond. We did everything together. That's probably the reason why even to this day, I'm a sports nut. But that all changed when I was about 10 years old. My dad, who had been a social drinker, started drinking more heavily & later started experimenting with drugs. This turned my whole world upside down. The loving dad, who was always there for me, turned into a raging, violent, unpredictable alcoholic & drug addict. Needless to say, life at home was chaotic. There are so many stories that I could share about physical fights between him & my mother. The cops were called to my house numerous times. There were times when we had to leave the house in the middle of the night out of fear because my dad's behavior was so unpredictable. Many times, he would disappear on payday & we wouldn't hear from him for 2 or 3 days. He would return home high & broke. As a result of his addiction, my dad lost his job & we lost our house. During this time, as a preteen, I had started middle school & was feeling all the insecurities that a normal preteen would feel. Because I was always an overweight child & my arm looked so different, I became an easy target for people to pick on. Also, because I attended a predominately white school & I made good grades, I would get stuck in advanced classes with all white children. They always made me feel different for being black. A lot of the black children didn't accept me either. I grew up hating my dark skin & my wide nose & my big lips. I thought I was ugly. I also felt this emptiness inside because I felt so abandoned by my father. Because my dad was barely working at this time, my mom had to work two jobs to cover the load so I was usually at home a lot taking care of my younger sister & brother. I felt very alone. At the age of 12, I started seeking the attention of boys to fill that void & I became sexually active. For the next 8 years, I lived a very promiscuous & wild lifestyle. During the course of sneaking out of the house & partying, one night I was raped by a friend of mine's father. It totally devastated me but I didn't tell anyone. This caused me to be even more out of control.

Over the course of the next few years, my parents split up & we moved around quite a bit. I went to 4 different high schools, making it hard to make friends & fit in, which is all I wanted to do. I happened to always be the brunt of everyone's joke because for one I was always the new kid & because I was fat. During my high school years, my dad spent some time in prison & I didn't have a lot of contact with him. Most of my adolescent years were spent in a state of depression. I saw several psychatrists & even had to spend time in a mental health hospital for a few weeks. I was on anti-depressants, but still attempted suicide twice. Somehow I still maintained good grades & entered college after high school. Boy, was that a disaster. All that I managed to accomplish during that time was a string of bad relationships, including one with a married guy & other guys who just used me. One relationship in particular was a very dangerous situation. I was dating a drug dealer & I would actually drive him to make drug deliveries and sometimes would be out on the corner with him at 1,2 & 3 o'clock in the morning in North Charlotte while he made sells. If anyone is from Charlotte & knows the North Charlotte area of town (Davidson/Pegram St.), you know how extremely dangerous this area is. There were so many times that I could've gotten arrested or killed. Looking back, I know it was the Lord protecting me even then though my mind & heart was nowhere near Him. That relationship ended very violently by him actually pointing a gun at me and shooting. Praise God that the gun jammed after the first few shots. Shortly therefafter I flunked out during my sophomore year having accomplished nothing but partying & a trail of bad relationships.

At the age of 20, I found myself confused & broken with no direction. I thought the only way out was to attempt to take my life again, but this time to be successful. I just couldn't handle life anymore. One night I received a call from a wrong caller. However, the caller struck up a conversation with me & before long we had talked for an hour. He was a guy, named Jack, who was my age & he lived in Chicago. He asked if he could call me the next day & I agreed. The next day he called, but the conversation took a different turn. He asked me if I had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. At the time, I didn't know what that meant so he explained it to me. He had been involved in a gang on the southside of Chicago & had been shot twice. The second time, he almost died. Jack's dad was a preacher & prayed for him to recover & he did. After that he was ready for a change in his life & he received Jesus as his Lord & Savior. I was blown away by his story. He encouraged me to go to church. I had been to church before. We would go sometimes when my dad was trying to prove to my mom that he was clean so he would take the family to church. But after he would go back to his old ways, my mom would be too ashamed to keep going without him. But I had never heard anyone break it down to me. I never knew that I could have a personal & intimate relationship with God. Jack encouraged me to attend church that Sunday so I did. The entire time I felt that the preacher was talking right to me. At the end of the service, he made an invitation to anyone who wanted to receive Jesus as their Lord & Savior. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart & I bowed the knee to Christ that day. My life has never been the same since. God gave me a new heart & the Holy Spirit came to live within me. He gave me new desires. I didn't want to sleep around & party anymore. I wanted to live the life of Christ. The Lord gave me a burning desire to know Him & I knew that in order to know Him, I would have to read the Bible. So I meditated on & studied God's Word day & night. It resulted in my mind being renewed & my life being transformed. So here I am today 7 and a half years later & I am in so in love with my Savior. I wish I could say that the journey has been smooth & that I've dotted every "i" & crossed every "t", but that would be a lie. I've messed up & I've still experienced tribulation & tragedy since giving my life to Jesus, but through it all, I have gained such an unbelievably close & deep trust in God because I've learned His character through His Word & He's all that I have had to lean on during the good & bad times. He has used everything in my life for His glory.

If you are reading my testimony & want to know how you can experience the saving power of Christ in your own life, then I encourage you to first acknowledge that you are a sinner before God. God already knows that you've broken His commandments. All of us have, according to Romans 3:23. Because we've broken God's commandments, we also deserve death as the wages of sin is death according to Romans 6:23. But God didn't just leave us alone to just die in our sins. He sent His only Son, Jesus, into the world to be born of virgin & to live a sinless life. Although He was perfect, Jesus went to the cross & died for you & for me in our place. On the cross, Jesus paid the full penalty of our sin. According to 2 Corinthians 5:21, Jesus, who knew no sin, became sin on our behalf so that we might be reconciled to the Father. Though Jesus died & was buried, He rose from the dead on the third day demonstrating victory over death & new life. So when we accept what He did on our behalf, we experience new life in Him according to Romans 6:4. This new life is all the work of God as He sends His Holy Spirit to live within you. All you have to do is yield to the Lord & surrender to Him & He will make all the changes in you. The Lord changes your heart & gives you new desires. Therefore, you don't have to try to change yourself because you will never be good enough. But Christ was good enough & He was the perfect sacrifice for your sins.

Thank you for taking the time to read what God has done in my life. God bless you!!!